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| 02:22pm 24/06/2005 |
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mood:  fuckin exstatic music: colour blind
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i jus found outthe best news...EVER
i have a scholarship to conti's YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY |
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| 07:48pm 13/06/2005 |
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mood:  and hurt
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Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you?
at this moment i am more angry and hurt than ever b4. ive been completly stabbed in the back by sum one who i thought i had an incredibly good relationship with.
things are pretty damn shitty at the moment.. lee bk with becki. i miss my mum, no word on scholarships, no money bla bla bla.
home time soon. thank god |
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| hehehe |
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| 01:17pm 07/05/2005 |
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mood:  an silly music: nothin
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doo doo doo cum on an join the conga do do do a train across the floor!!!
im bored but happy woop woop |
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| 02:47pm 07/04/2005 |
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mood:  bored.tired.cold,unattractive
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long time since ive done this
ok well im home.
im bored. but oh well, i do like bein bk but it is well borin!!!!!
ive jus got my internet bk woopwoop
im bored of bein lonely and have been single for like a yr. and it sucks, i feel really unattractive and.... jus kinda miss bein intimate, and feelin special..
i wish that i culd re wind.. mayb neva have gone to notts... mayb id b with dave.. mayb i wuld neva have slept with marc fuckin foy.. maybe i wuldnt have been in the situation i am today..alone and feelin miserable..
lately all i do is talk to ppl about there relationships... ha. like ne 1 actually culd discuss "my relationship" cos... it doesnt exsist! am i dull, unattractive, annoying or what?
imk like 18.. an neva manage to hold anything down. nothing ever goes to plan.. most my friends haver or have had a steady.long term bf..
grrrrrr i hate parts of my life.. i HATE that im poor and that every1salways like ohh i have no money. and these are the ppl who r gettin a regular wage and...dont live in one of the most expensive citys in the WORLD.
ok so its my choice to live where ido,and to do what i do. but im jus fed up
...and it mite have allbeen awaste of time if i dont get this scholarship.
im sick and tired of everything.and ppl pussy footing round everything! roar infact AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i jus wana stand and scream so,....there we go |
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| 05:01pm 28/01/2005 |
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mood:  sad music: dream of me kirsten dunst
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i dont no where to start
... with the memory of his mother completly beside her self. or with my own feelings. or the fact that the church was completly full.
daniel hayes proved to be an extremly popular person, he had a heart of gold and will be missed so much!
it was heart breakin seeing his mum, reaching out for his confin, callin for "her baby" seeing her being held by mike, and seein her coverin her face every few moments, we culd all hear her crys and c the pain in her eyes, yet nothin ne one says can take it away.
i hope with all my heart that i, nor ne one i no, ever has to go thru such a thing ever again..
today made me think.. what the hell wuld i do if it was one of my immediate friends or family.
i culdnt survive with out half of my friends, there my life line, and i lean and relie on them all so much. i shuldnt take all i have for graunted. an nor shuld ne1 else.
god wat the hell is happenin.
it doesnt seem real
my problems seem so minute.
i hope he rests in peace and that sum how mike and kate get over this..
i dont no what else to say.
i have to do a monologue in 5wks time. about a boy in a car crash.. duno if i can hack it now. dunno if id do it justice. dunno wetha itd b right in these cercumstances!
i wonder if that many ppl wuld cum to my funeral. i hope in my life i touch as many ppl as daniel quite clearly did.
i love all of my friends. and all of my family. x |
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| random |
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| 12:18pm 25/01/2005 |
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mood: happy
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argh..
so confused.. wanna go to samuel french but got no one to go with.. and. so cant b arsed!! is that lazy
i think so!!!
neway..
i'm cumin home thurs!! so i'm happy, but sad for the reason. will b a hard day thursday!!
will b fab to c my sazzel,morg,jenben,nicnic etc!!!!!
la la la la la la la
newho better go
post to me cos its fun!! x |
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| RIP |
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| 05:26pm 19/01/2005 |
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ok.. so waggin modern which is very naughty of me.. but.. lee jus handed me a monologue to do for my directors within a few seconds i was cryin. it was about a boy in a car crash, there were words describin what was happenin to his body. it was horrible, i culdnt hack it.
Rest in piece daniel.
why when i havent even spoke to him for so long have i taken this all so badly?!?!?!?!?
please can sum1 let me no asap when his funeral is. i'm guna cum bk for it! i want to hold chrises hand when he cries. and say goodbye!!!
college is well hard work at the mo! drivin me mad!!
oh well. ok, lots of ppl in here i'm guna head off love you all. and please will sum 1 text me tell me when the funeral is xxxxxxxxx |
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| 12:13pm 10/01/2005 |
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love to morgan andy and my very special sarah dont have time to rite anything else... but love to u ne way
and oooohhhh saz im doin an asignment on mental institues etc... if u no ne good sites etc (from ur psychology) it wuld be a help lover u all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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| ? |
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| 03:12pm 30/12/2004 |
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mood: numb music: tasha beddingfield..
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this is what i feel..
empty with nothing there.
no money
no ambition
no more motivation
lonely
affraid
numb |
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| 04:05pm 16/12/2004 |
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mood: sad music: colour blind
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shes going to die.. and, it makes me cry. why is it that old ppl have to get ill, and why is it that my mum and dad dot tell me thinks.. cancer?! ud think theyd tell me. i lost my grandad to it, and they didnt tell me bout it. and now, my grandmas in hospital for the same thing! and i no its the beginning of the end for her.
... i feel lost, and stuck in sum stupid place of my own. my sister needs help. my mums needs to be reasured that shes not sum shitty parent. and my dad.. well he;s facing the prospect of losing his mum. he;s shouting at every1. but i no why. i can remeber when my grandad died, and my dad came in the front room, he just stood there, and we were all silent, and he just had one tear trickle down his face. it was heart breaking.
pull me out from inside,
i am ready,
i am ready,
i am fine,
i am fine. |
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| 02:52pm 15/12/2004 |
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mood: birthday time music: goo goo dolls
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Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i am so guna get divorced!!!!!! |
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| mwahahaha |
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| 04:40pm 14/12/2004 |
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mood: excited for my birthday music: witches of eastwick. yes i am a sad act
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hahahahahaha how funny was this.. i played for hours. kept me entertained!!!!!!! |
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| fucked of disappointed and want to cry! FUCK THIS SHIT! |
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| 10:40am 06/12/2004 |
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mood: and let down
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so... why was i excited to be home? plz someone remind me... cos so far all ive done is realise how very very little i have bk here.. and how self obsessed all wksp ppl seem to be!!! it pisses me off that no ones the same as wen i left... hmmm i no im not. but im still a loyal friend and always will be. cos i no that i need my friends to get thru life.. but ya no.. i dont think they exsist here ne more!!! so much for a "happy" birthday.. yeah woteva.. cant even fill a mini bus with 7 seats... yeah thats proves to me. thhat im either a very shitty friend.. or ppl just cant b arsed with me.. WELL FUCK THAT. ive got a mnth here.. and at the moment think i mite go bk to london again.. do sum lessons in pineapple. and do sum bar work!!! i feel really lonely and really let down. infact REALLY let down.
i hope every1 enjoys this fuckin holiday cos.. im not, and i no im not guna.. and as for nights out in wksp.. hmm dont think so. did this saturday. was gud but. wksp is a shit hole! no one can dress every1s a slut, every1 gives u bitchy looks, i cant b fucked with it.. im just guna celebrate my bday with my parents and hannah on the saturday. sorry to disapoint ne one.. but to be quite honest i feel disapppointed and let down myself! |
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| 05:35pm 25/11/2004 |
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just cried for no fuckin reason. wanna sleep, wanna cry, and wanna go home. |
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| 14 days till i homeeeee!!!!!! |
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| 09:10am 19/11/2004 |
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mood: hopeful
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i cant Fuckin wait to be home. i am counting down the days, wishing time by, and generally gettin well excited. only cos it means being with all my fav peeps, it means my 18th bday which ive been waiting for all my life. its means saying FUCK U to fat nicola in the lic, and gettin served! it means not havin to look pretty and do my hair everyday! i miss u guys. i have to go to lessons now, but love to u all. oh and. oi !!! stop drinkin with out me.. its not fair! xxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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| ppl cum and go. |
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| 10:23am 26/10/2004 |
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mood:  happy and sad?!?!
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i jus deleted my fuckin post!! roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ok, so ive jus read thru my "memorie" posts there all bout dave and marc.
why do i get in stupid situations, ud think i wuld of learnt by now. im in a stage of my life at the mo, and i dont no who or what to forgive or how to be around a certain individual, i dont no if friendship cums first ne more or wetha my pride is takin a front seat and i shuld stick by my morals.. i jus duno ne more!!
ive had a great wkend with sazzel, i now realise tht a hel of alot has changed since we left valley, and i no longer can say that i had a great bunch of friends at valley, cos i dont believe half of them gave a flying fuck, i'd say that oinly the ppl who ave bothered to keep in touch give a shit. and there the only ppl who i value in wksp!!! im leading two lives and it proves very hard to keep track of both situations, i jus dont like wksp nemore. i do value my friendships with certain ppl tho, saz,han,jen,nicnic, theres more and u no who u are, but i jus dont no how to b ne more.
i think my pride is taking a front seat at the moment and as for forgive and forget, i think im more, well i duno, im jus unsure, and dont no wetha to let friendship take over, or to keep with my morals and keep my pride in tact?!?! if ne one understands that ur more clever than me co i dont understand myslef!!!
i have new cow girl boots there hot and i love um (im a looser i no!) i jus need a skirt to wear with um!!!
and to b thin and sexy to look nice in um!
hmmmm im guna go now. i miss my old life yet love my new one?! its a crazy old world!! |
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| feeling sick!!!! |
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| 07:30pm 17/10/2004 |
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mood:  and full with food!!!
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ok, so i jus ate tooo much cream and pancakes!
im home in 5/6 days and couldnt be happier!!! thinks at contis are goin great ive made more friends in last wk or two and enjoyin my time here much more now.. i got a bit drunk last nite... with claire. ha we kissed for truth and dare. mmmm.... greg snogged my neck, wanted to have sex. lol was very tempted, havent had it for a while. since august infact august the 19th!! ohhhh noooo like i no the date.. crazy lets forget those sexual experiences of the summer!!!!!! not as if i mean... ok lets not get bk into this!! so yeah....
i keep havin random dreams.. its very weird. im gettin new boots on friday, and do u no what.. im no towny but ive learnt the world of girlyness is the one one that suits me best! i got called an english rose by sum hotty wen i was out. i was not dressed " natalie ish" and i thought yeah thats the new me!!
i have soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo little money!
i like this guy. we get on dead well, but mite leave it as friendshiip!
if u guys dont cum out when im bk im guna physically kick ur butts!!
i miss sarah!!!!!! i miss my mummy. reece made me cry!!! i keep thinkin of dick head dave.. i wonder if them nob heads are still tog? and i wunder how the rest of stupid couples are gettin on in the sop. not u sazra i love andy as much as i love u!!! hahahahaha ohhhhhhhh saz try get andy to cum bk itd b cool with him there too!!!!!!
im guna go get laid
haha actually not. the highlight is tonite is actually doin my laundry!!!
love to u alll mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
post bk!!! nat xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps. are u amazed this is a happy post woooooooooooooooo |
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| 10:30am 05/10/2004 |
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mood: and hurting form the van
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really home sick at the moment...
just read things i didnt really wanna read.. had well, a pretty shit week. yesterday gee that was fun.. waiting to cross the road, lalalala then ohhhhhhhhhhhh a white van reverses into me !OWWWWWWWWW it fuckin hurt. i was thrown to the fall.. and fuck me. i hurt.
ive cut both my ankles and my hand. dun my bk in more than b4 and developed a limp. oh hell yeah. isnt everything gud in the world of me!
so, this wkend.. spent it feeling very low indeed. everyone went home. and left me in the y on my own.. claire went bk to hull jen n her crew went to swansea, elysia to exeter and then there was me.. i was sooo lonely. and inccredibly home sick. i thought id be ok wen every1 came bk but it made it worse cos every1 was talkin bout there parents.
oh well, l,ike ive really got alot to go bk for.. no offence but i only have the select few that ave bothered to keep in touch! oh well. life sucks ass i suppose!
hannahs cumin up this wkend shuld b gud but i bet i cry on her wen she gets ere. marcs sis anne text me, said we shuld meet up. i'll giv her a text later, we'll ave to get a star bucks.. hmmmm like i can afford it!! sorry its a depressive post.
i love college.. and its amazing to be here. im jus fuckin lonely! |
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| home sick lonely.. but at the best god damn school ever!!! |
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| 12:20pm 21/09/2004 |
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mood: and scared. music: ?im in a random inter cafe.. its badddd music lol!!!
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ok...so just read thru every1s posts from wen i left!! hmmmmmmmmmm i was so geekishly excited bout reading new posts!!! ohhh well thats me for u!
im inncredibly home sick, was never like this at madd.. i contemplated completly packing it all in this morning. i keep crying at night but i dont want claire to c.
i feel sad.
lonely
and pathetic..
i hate this feeling. i cant c ne of my friends, and i was completly crushed wen saz said they werent guna c me.. im sorry if u felt my msg bitchy. but it was kind of the final straw.. i was at breaking point and it felt no 1 had the time of day for me!
i cant explain how amazing conti;s is. i cant believe im here after only dancing for such a short period of time. but i'm god damn here! and its 1 hell of an achivement.. so why do i wanna sack it all in? theres no way i will.. how culd i let my parents pay all this money.. and then wimp out?!?!?! i think its cos ive jus been sooo inncredibly close to all my friends over summer.. and now there all gone. and...
every1's moving on with out me. i guess im jus scared of losing every1.
i already feel like ive lost so much of myself. i dont think marcs speakin to me after jenna. for gods sake!!! i hate that stupid mother fucking situation. i regret goin with him.. no offence. i love im to bits, but its jus caused so much agro! im such a fuckin slut. thats another thing.. i'm a SLUT. every1s a virgin or slept with 1 person. im sum mucky tart from wksp.
hey the best thing wuld be to emagrate.. and start a fresh!YEA watever!!
hey, but dont listen to me. cos ive worked hella hard to get here.. and im gud at wat i do. im only this way cos i wana b at home. its been a total emotional rollercoaster for me! london is sooooooooo much further than notts. and it took me moving here to realise im not as strong as i think!!
but.. on the possitive side.. CONTI'S is FAB. is crazy.. a different world. the Y is pretty cool, hey joe pesqualy? his son is in my yeah.. and even no's my name.. and guess what he;s called.. jo!! hahahahaha! he's movin into the y today. room 4010 im in 1310 so if u want my addy tezxt me!
im goin round london tomoz nite wooooo get me!out in the big bad city lol!! ohhh well i guess i orta go home!!! hmmmmmmmmmmm home. i wish! i love u all. and plz keep in touch cos i feel really lonely!!! hope every1 is well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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